Free will is the greatest gift we have. I believe that it is THE gift from God, the gift to choose, and everything in life is more or less an opportunity of using our free will. However, there is one thing that we do not choose. Our families: parents, relatives, brothers and sisters and their children and our children. To me they are God given. Unknown to me God chose for me my parents, my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews and my child and what a wonderful choice He has made for me.
Now I come to Bernadeen, Daughty to the family and close friends. My Father used to address this elder daughter of his as ‘Daughter.’ When I was very little, I would imitate him and managed the word Daughty, which became the name that stuck to my sister for life.
She was the twin here on earth of my guardian Angel. God given, to guide me through life. She led me to use my free will. She always guided me to the positive. That’s how I met my wife Ranjani. Daughty guided me to her, and I believe that here is one more person who is God given to me through Daughty.
A little part of me died with Daughty passing away. I know in time I must revive this part, for Daughty’s sake and for Ranjani and Paulmarie, our son.
For Ranjani, she was more like a sister, than sister-in-law. She was Paulmarie's Godmother. They got on so well together and both of them laughed a lot. I hope I can quell the tears , so often shed now and think that I must celebrate her life here on earth and have happy thoughts to help her journey on in peace to that eternal state of joy and love with all her loved ones and with God.
How I miss her, thinking back on our childhood. Sometimes I think I just cannot take it and yet I must try to let her go , not hold her back on her journey to Heaven, to her God and to our Mother and Father and other members of the family who are gone. I was telling Ranjani ..... " Its not good. Imagine if I am holding her back with my tears .... its like someone going abroad and you cry and cry to see them go and they are reluctant to leave you. It must be like that I said, so I must try to celebrate her journey, give her a rousing send off with many happy thoughts so that she can journey on in peace ".
- Nimal Mendis
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Godmother, Put in a good word for me up there...
Punchi Nandi, was what she was to me. My Godmother too, and my aunt. She was the only other major connection I had to Sri Lanka apart from my parents.
Always non - judgemental about people, always fair. I never heard her say anything bad about anyone. More than just an aunt who passed away, it was the way she went. Her death was premature and unjustifiable. A mistake.
What I feel about the soul and positive energy, of the whole country - everyhing good you hear written about Sri Lanka - was encapsulated in her being. A part of Sri Lanka has died. A part that fights for justice, a part that is smiling to the stranger, a part that had hope in the betterment of the human psyche. Has hope died? Punchi Nanda would never think that.
People always try to "cheer up" the bereaved with endless platitudes, of a "better place", and "her time had come". Nothing can fill the empty void of her presence for me. Her will to listen to my points of view even from an early age. It illustrated her understanding and aceptance that no voice could go unheard.
The countless that she helped, and even more so, the countless she helped that I did not know about, are the few things I can piece together to form some semblance of hope in my mind.The love she had for me, and my family transcended into every action, not just good intentions.
With her leg pains she used to drive us to places, never complaining, talk with us after a busy stress filled day at a meeting. She gave up her own bed for us to rest in.
How many more people must be taken for granted and die before the beauty that is life and the hope they give, comes to us in vivid realisation?
To preserve her memory is to preserve hope, and I swear Punchi Nandi, that is something I will do.
Paulmarie
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Sister, Friend...
Dearest Daughty,
You always encouraged me to write. I have not written for a long time and its only because of you that I now make this effort. Its difficult, but I have to try and say what is in my heart - and that is only like a grain of sand.
You, who did so much for me.
I ................ REMEMBER
Why is it that when someone is gone
You remember...... every little detail
It passes through your mind
Incessantly.
The first and quick response is......
Twin souls
A sister and friend.
Every second to every moment
Through dark times of my life
You held my hand.
Consoled, my will grew stronger
And then....... the happiest moment,
When you set my eyes on your brother
It was for life
Together.
Many were the times
Ideas shared, gossip and laughs.
Words you said to care
No criticism, no questions asked.
No reservations,
Selfless help.
The activist ..... in all situations.
Human rights, the agitator.
Social justice, upholder ....... but,
Above all
Sister and deep friend.
With an arid heart
I think of you..... full of grief
Shared loneliness.
Where are you ?
Are you laughing
reflecting.........
at this short life of sadness
left behind.
- Ranjani Mendis
5 comments:
Dear Nimal, Ranjani, and Paul Marie
I read the beautiful email that you forwarded to me written about your
loving sister, friend, colleague, compatriot. And remain both deeply
shocked at this awful untimely and unfair death and deeply saddened
that the world has lost such a true soldier of human justice and human
decency.
To say that I can fully understand your grief would be an untruth, to
say that my heart aches for all of you deeply would be true. To say
that anything in the world can assuage or replace or change that grief
would also be a huge falsehood.
I am devastated for your gaping loss and the hole that your beloved
relative has caused you and all that knew her and will forever know and
love her. I am totally totally sickened by the awful medical
malpractice and the deep carelessness of the particular doctor.
My heart aches for all of you and most deeply for you Nimal. I dread
and fear and live with complete horror that my brother who I love
deeply will die and my sister. Our siblings are like our cells and
part of our structural makeup and even one cell out of place means the
whole body has to regroup itself to even function. I ache, weep,and
despair for your pain and sorrow and the longing to touch your loved
one.
If there is anything in the world that I can do to help you ANYTHING AT
ALL I will. If you want me to go to Sri Lanka for you to bring
something back here. I will go....
I know your heart is broken....please take care of yourself physically,
and let your beautiful wife and son take the best care of you as health
is really important at a time like this when you yourself may not want
to go on.
Dear Ranjani and Paul Marie I know you too are deeply sad and that this
loss is catastrophic, my heart weeps for all of you.
Let me know what I can do.
IN love and tenderness....
sharyn davis
Thank you Sharyn. Ranjani Paulmarie and I, Nimal, appreciate your concern and warm thoughts.
Your lines :
"I dread and fear and live with complete horror that my brother who I love
deeply will die and my sister. Our siblings are like our cells and
part of our structural makeup and even one cell out of place means the
whole body has to regroup itself to even function. "..........
Is a profound thought and what will resound in the hearts of many who will read it.
I have never known or seen Bernadeen once in away I have seen her name in the press as a actvist.
but from all you tell about her she has had a beutiful life.I am far aqway from Sri lanka.but its these men and women make our land a paradise.
may her life be a source of inspirarion to all of us a beutiful life.
To Annoymous,
Thank you Annonymous from Nimal, Ranjani and Paulmarie for your very sincere thought. Yes, she was a truly beautiful person apart from all the work she did. Thank you again for writing what you did far away from Sri Lanka and may you have peace and love in your life.
Dearest Nimal, Ranjanee & Paul Marie,
How lovely it was to see you last week. A sign to me that the bonds of true
friendship don't fade. I felt the years we hadn't seen each other dissolve into
nothing and it was just like the old days, eating, laughing, debating,
philosophising. It was just wonderful to re-establish that connection, to
catch up with all the missing years & to see your new home.
I am so sad for all of you about Bernadine's death. She sounded like the most
amazing person and I wished I had had the priviledge to have known her. You must
be very proud to have had such a sister, aunt & friend. A person who gave to
everyone, to her family and to society. Someone who worked for justice & human
rights, for the important things in life. I think there is something in the
Mendis genes that makes you all walk on the compassionate side of life. What a
wonderful gift to have that giving, caring nature. You will all carry her spirit
forward.
There's a reading that I find a comfort in times like this.
Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room. I am I and
you are you: whatever we were to each other, that we are still. Call me by my
old familiar name, speak to me in the easy way which you always used. Put no
difference in your tone: wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow. Laugh as we
always laughed at little jokes we enjoyed together. Play, smile, think of me,
pray for me. Let my name be ever the household word that it always was, let it
be spoken without effort, without the ghost of shadow on it. Life mean all that
it ever meant. It is the same as it ever was; there is absolutely unbroken
continuity. Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight? I am waiting
for you, an interval somewhere very near, just round the corner. All is well.
Canon Henry Scott Holland 1847 -1918, Canon of St Paul's Cathedral.
I hope the missing and the pain gets less as time goes on.
Much love to all of you.
Emma
xxx
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