Free will is the greatest gift we have. I believe that it is THE gift from God, the gift to choose, and everything in life is more or less an opportunity of using our free will. However, there is one thing that we do not choose. Our families: parents, relatives, brothers and sisters and their children and our children. To me they are God given. Unknown to me God chose for me my parents, my brothers and sisters, my nieces and nephews and my child and what a wonderful choice He has made for me.
Now I come to Bernadeen, Daughty to the family and close friends. My Father used to address this elder daughter of his as ‘Daughter.’ When I was very little, I would imitate him and managed the word Daughty, which became the name that stuck to my sister for life.
She was the twin here on earth of my guardian Angel. God given, to guide me through life. She led me to use my free will. She always guided me to the positive. That’s how I met my wife Ranjani. Daughty guided me to her, and I believe that here is one more person who is God given to me through Daughty.
A little part of me died with Daughty passing away. I know in time I must revive this part, for Daughty’s sake and for Ranjani and Paulmarie, our son.
For Ranjani, she was more like a sister, than sister-in-law. She was Paulmarie's Godmother. They got on so well together and both of them laughed a lot. I hope I can quell the tears , so often shed now and think that I must celebrate her life here on earth and have happy thoughts to help her journey on in peace to that eternal state of joy and love with all her loved ones and with God.
How I miss her, thinking back on our childhood. Sometimes I think I just cannot take it and yet I must try to let her go , not hold her back on her journey to Heaven, to her God and to our Mother and Father and other members of the family who are gone. I was telling Ranjani ..... " Its not good. Imagine if I am holding her back with my tears .... its like someone going abroad and you cry and cry to see them go and they are reluctant to leave you. It must be like that I said, so I must try to celebrate her journey, give her a rousing send off with many happy thoughts so that she can journey on in peace ".
- Nimal Mendis
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Godmother, Put in a good word for me up there...Punchi Nandi, was what she was to me. My Godmother too, and my aunt. She was the only other major connection I had to Sri Lanka apart from my parents.
Always non - judgemental about people, always fair. I never heard her say anything bad about anyone. More than just an aunt who passed away, it was the way she went. Her death was premature and unjustifiable. A mistake.
What I feel about the soul and positive energy, of the whole country - everyhing good you hear written about Sri Lanka - was encapsulated in her being. A part of Sri Lanka has died. A part that fights for justice, a part that is smiling to the stranger, a part that had hope in the betterment of the human psyche. Has hope died? Punchi Nanda would never think that.
People always try to "cheer up" the bereaved with endless platitudes, of a "better place", and "her time had come". Nothing can fill the empty void of her presence for me. Her will to listen to my points of view even from an early age. It illustrated her understanding and aceptance that no voice could go unheard.
The countless that she helped, and even more so, the countless she helped that I did not know about, are the few things I can piece together to form some semblance of hope in my mind.The love she had for me, and my family transcended into every action, not just good intentions.
With her leg pains she used to drive us to places, never complaining, talk with us after a busy stress filled day at a meeting. She gave up her own bed for us to rest in.
How many more people must be taken for granted and die before the beauty that is life and the hope they give, comes to us in vivid realisation?
To preserve her memory is to preserve hope, and I swear Punchi Nandi, that is something I will do.
Paulmarie
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Sister, Friend...
Dearest Daughty,
You always encouraged me to write. I have not written for a long time and its only because of you that I now make this effort. Its difficult, but I have to try and say what is in my heart - and that is only like a grain of sand.
You, who did so much for me.
I ................ REMEMBER
Why is it that when someone is gone
You remember...... every little detail
It passes through your mind
Incessantly.
The first and quick response is......
Twin souls
A sister and friend.
Every second to every moment
Through dark times of my life
You held my hand.
Consoled, my will grew stronger
And then....... the happiest moment,
When you set my eyes on your brother
It was for life
Together.
Many were the times
Ideas shared, gossip and laughs.
Words you said to care
No criticism, no questions asked.
No reservations,
Selfless help.
The activist ..... in all situations.
Human rights, the agitator.
Social justice, upholder ....... but,
Above all
Sister and deep friend.
With an arid heart
I think of you..... full of grief
Shared loneliness.
Where are you ?
Are you laughing
reflecting.........
at this short life of sadness
left behind.
- Ranjani Mendis
